The Kofford Family relocates to Colorado after 40 years as Californians. In December of 2007, Grandma Lorraine is diagnosed with Stage 4 brain cancer. Sadly, she passed away on Dec. 26th, 2008 after a year long courageous battle. Follow our journey as we keep Lorraine's memory alive, and as we learn to appreciate that each day we are given, is a gift to be enjoyed!

“Nobody can go back and start a new beginning, but anyone can start today and make a new ending.”
~Maria Robertson

Tuesday, December 23, 2008

I'll be home for Christmas...

It really is a privilege to see the dying process unfold, and how the mind works in the journey. It is so hard to see my mom unresponsive, and it hurts me to know she has been without food and water for almost 48 hours. Her body is strong, and she is hanging on until she is good and ready to go. The Hospice nurse came today and was very kind, tender, and peaceful. She did a visualization with my mom about crossing over a bridge to see all the relatives that would be waiting on the other side. I found it to be very helpful to hear, and I hoped that my mom would soon take her advice and "cross" over the bridge from this life to the next.

It was decided after much heartache, that I should return to Colorado and be with my children and Tom for Christmas. I had so many wonderful opportunities this week to share my thoughts with my mom and say my "goodbyes" that I felt at peace with the choice. The Hospice nurse suggested she may be waiting for me to go... and I think she would want me to be with the kids and share this Christmas together. Last year was difficult learning of her diagnosis on Christmas Eve, and this year, almost one year to date, she will be ending the journey. I have been so proud of her and how she has handled herself during illness, during my dad's passing, and how she has lived her life of far too few days.

I'm at the Sacramento Airport awaiting a call I don't want to receive. It may be later today, tonight, or tomorrow. Either way the call will come, and I will have to accept what I hear.

Remarkably, when I called Gayle to tell her I made it to the airport safely, I heard a wonderful story. She and Annette witnessed a mini miracle! After 40 hours of no response, Annette told my mom that I was going home. Annette promised she would always watch out for me and make sure I was taken care of, and then she said a little phrase that got my mom's attention. Annette said, "I love you, love you, love you..." in a silly voice that they would say to one another. My mom opened her eyes, tried to speak, and raised her hand. She was communicating with her eyes and eye brows, and they were both in awe. Gayle said they both felt privileged to witness this glimpse of life in the midst of another reality. Gayle asked that I call when I get home, no matter how late. They feel that once my mom knows I arrived safely home, she will have the peace to pass. I will keep you posted, and up to date on both of our travels.


Charlene said...

God is by her side now Denise and will help her through this next part of her journey. I pray for safe travels home for you. Take comfort in being together with the kids and Tom. We love you all!

Beth said...

Hugs Denise... Your mother is still watching out for you... I hope through it all you have a Merry Christmas...what love!

DeClercq said...

What can I heart goes out to all of you at this very sad and difficult time.

Your mom is in great hands with her best friend and all the wonderful caregivers by her side.

Tom and the kids will be so happy to see you!

Remember, we are all here for you. Please call if you need anything!

In love & Frirendship,

Laura & Family

Kim said...

I am so glad that you are flying home to be with your family. I think that was a good choice. Enjoy the laughter, hugs and sharing of the holiday with them.

Thank you also for keeping us all posted. What a blessing that has been. We are all here for you and pray a wonderful Christmas for the Kofford crew!

glitzen said...

Thank you for thinking of posting. I did a long comment today on my blackberry at my doctor's appt, and then my phone would not let me post it. But I wanted you to know I prayed a lot today, for wisdom for all involved, for peace in mind and spirit for your mom, and restful perfect timing of events. I prayed for your comfort, and for you to remember that to be absent from the body is to be present with the lord, and that he is right there IN THE ROOM with your mom and knows just when she is ready for the reunion with your dad, and the others.
I pray for God to give you that peace that passes all earthly understanding, it is a gift he promises us. I have clinged to it through many dark times. Remember to praise him in this storm, and he will give you exactly what you need for each moment as it happens.

Lorri said...

Bless you!
We are waiting with you.

Love, Lorri and Scott

Kim said...

Wow, I got goosebumps as I read that! That truly was a mini-miracle! How lovely to know your mom and Annette shared that incredible moment. I hope that as I write this, you are still sleeping off the effects of a long night of travel. I enjoyed our visit very much on the way to the airport last night. I pray that you and Tom, and the kids will have happy moments today and tomorrow being together once again, and Kim was right: your mom and Annette are side by side, best friends always. They are in good company together!
kim l.

sue bakalar said...

I'm glad you're at peace. Your mom seems at peace as well, and that's really what we're all looking for in our journey.

Know you are in my heart, and God is holding you both in His arms.

Safe travels. Love you.

sue bakalar said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
glitzen said...

Denise, it must be so hard for you to concentrate on wrapping gifts, baking, making a turkey or whatever you are doing right now. I pray for clarity of mind and heart for you, and peace. You are such a wonderful mother, wife, and daughter to those who need you. This tug-of-war in your heart must be so difficult, I would imagine. You make hard decisions so very wisely. You are a hero to me.

Lori said...

Denise, my heart just aches for you. I You seem so strong. It must have been agony to say goodbye to your Mom. I'm glad you are a believer and that Jesus is so faithful to give us peace in turmoil. I picture Him holding His hand out to you while you get off the boat and step into the stormy ocean.
I'm praying your Mom will go in peace and that you will feel Holy Spirity holding you.