The Kofford Family relocates to Colorado after 40 years as Californians. In December of 2007, Grandma Lorraine is diagnosed with Stage 4 brain cancer. Sadly, she passed away on Dec. 26th, 2008 after a year long courageous battle. Follow our journey as we keep Lorraine's memory alive, and as we learn to appreciate that each day we are given, is a gift to be enjoyed!

“Nobody can go back and start a new beginning, but anyone can start today and make a new ending.”
~Maria Robertson

Wednesday, December 24, 2008

Christmas Eve Update...

Thank you friends for your supportive blog comments and e-mails. They have encouraged me more than you will know. I look forward to responding to each of you, and wanted you to know that reading your comments is such a bright spot for me during this sad time.

Thank you Comeau Family for giving Ashlyn such special memories this Christmas season while I was away. From baking cookies, sleeping over, swimming, ice skating, going to the movies, truly showed her the Christmas spirit and we so appreciate it!

We arrived home safely last night at 3 a.m. and turned on my cell phone with anxiety over what messages may be waiting. Once again, my mom "rallied" after 7 tough days of difficult breathing, unresponsiveness, etc...She "awoke" and spoke, asked for food and water, and told Gayle and Annette she loved them! She did this again today, and each felt privileged to have been a part of that. Annette put the phone to her ear this morning and she whispered a very faint but audible, "I love you" to me. I was amazed, as when I left, we truly thought, (as did the Hospice nurse) that there were only hours remaining.

Gayle said tonight that she has once again lapsed back into the non responsive state she was in when I left. I was especially saddened to learn that she told Gayle and Annette she was scared today when she was in the alert period. I was heartbroken for her. Annette laid down next to her, and just held her hoping she would feel comforted and be free to pass. We so thought she was at peace, and hearing she was frightened just saddens me so. What a strong woman she is holding on for this long with no food to speak of (except for one small spoonful of applesauce) and only a few drops of water over the past week. She is obviously not ready to go "home" yet, and until then, Annette and our caregivers are doing everything possible to keep her comfortable, warm, and cared for.

Today my goal was to spend time with each of our kids individually and help them work through their sense of loss without making it frightening. Tom and I are working on ways that we can approach the holidays in the future with hope and not a a sense of dread. It is important to me that we approach my mom's upcoming passing with a hope filled future so that the kids do not see Christmas as a time of sadness, but of hope, faith, and a promise of new life.

We wish each of you a peace filled Christmas with your loved ones. Remember to savor each special Christmas memory with your family, and live them fully.


Lori said...

I'm praying that your Mom will feel the peace of Christ come over her again. And that you would know she feels peaceful.
The fact that you are making a concerted effort to make sure your children find holidays a joyful time and not of dread will ensure that will indeed happen. Most people would be too consumed by their own grief to consider this.
God bless you and comfort you during time of mourning. May the Lord Jesus Christ show favor on you and your family and your dear sweet Mother.

DeClercq said...

It is so good to 'hear' from you. We have been checking your blog throughout the day while we are "tracking" Santa on Norad Tracks Santa. Santa should be pretty close to Colorado right about now!!

Glad to hear you made it home safely!

Your mom is a true miracle! We continue to pray for her and your family during this difficult time.

May you have a Blessed Christmas! Enjoy the day with your family.

We love you all,

Laura & Family

sue bakalar said...

Hi Denise,

Glad you are home safe and sound. Continued prayers for all of you for peace. Know that God is with all of you, holding you in His loving arms.

God Bless You All.

Kim said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Kim said...

May your Christmas be full of good memories with your husband and children. Thank you for the continued updates. I will be praying as Lori said that your mom will feel the peace of Christ. How incredible that we have the hope of God's love and eternal plan for us!

Big hugs to all the Colorado Koffords from the Faires' in Redding!

Kim said...

Thank you for such a beautiful message that must have been so difficult to write. I love what one of your friends wrote the other day about God waiting beside your precious mother. I want to picture that, as well. Denise, I hope for you and Tom, and the kids, hope and faith and most of all peace in this holiday season. It sounds like you are doing the very best things for Kyle and Ashlyn. Bless you. God Bless you all. My heart is with your mom, and with you.
kim l.

glitzen said...

All through the night I woke and prayed. I know I am not the only one wondering WHY Lord? Why now? But as I ponder that, I think of how his timing is always perfect. His life cycle is amazing, and our strongest emotions are always at birth and death. At these two events, our hearts are the most open, we feel things deeply and completely. This is a gift, one you will not fully unwrap for years and years. Long distance hugs, my friend. I will hold you fast in my thoughts today, and await your updates.

Lorri said...

Dear Denise, we are checking in on you today. Grandma Lorraine is sure special! Praying peace for all of you today, and security in knowing that there is eternal life and that your mom is passing to a place where there are no tears, or death or suffering.

Loving you today, Lorri

sue bakalar said...

Just checking in on you and praying that you have had a wonderfully peaceful day. You all remain in my thoughts and prayers.

God bless you!

LvPoohBr2 said...

I think you are such an awesome daughter and mother. I will pray that your children will be able to work through the grief and not dred the holidays. I will also pray that your mom will feel a sense of peace and reassurance that she is off to a better place to be with our Lord and Savior!