The Kofford Family relocates to Colorado after 40 years as Californians. In December of 2007, Grandma Lorraine is diagnosed with Stage 4 brain cancer. Sadly, she passed away on Dec. 26th, 2008 after a year long courageous battle. Follow our journey as we keep Lorraine's memory alive, and as we learn to appreciate that each day we are given, is a gift to be enjoyed!

“Nobody can go back and start a new beginning, but anyone can start today and make a new ending.”
~Maria Robertson

Thursday, December 11, 2008

Call your mother~

Telefono Pictures, Images and Photos

We often hear or read this phrase on TV shows, magazine articles, etc... "Call your mother, she worries you know!"

Since the mid 1980's after moving away from home to attend college, I called my mother once a week. Usually on Sundays, because my mother always called her mother on Sundays. We would chat about the latest in our lives, who was doing what, where we went, and what was planned for the week. When we were both teachers, there were always stories to tell about school, bulletin board ideas, and yard duty escapades!

This phone calling routine repeated weekly, year after year.

Sometimes it felt like there wasn't much to say. Sometimes it felt like we just talked about the same things over and over again. Sometimes I felt busy and didn't feel like calling.

When my dad died, I called my mom daily. But after awhile this routine, selfishly at times, felt like an obligation and not as I realize now, a privilege.

Since my mom's diagnosis last Christmas Eve, I have had a complete turn around in my thinking. All of sudden, there is SO much to say! Suddenly, the unimportant feels VERY important. I want to tell my mom everything...

I want her to know that her granddaughter wrote a story about the two of them together, that she played two songs in the piano recital, and that she made a clay penguin in art class...I want her to know that her grandson did well on his math test, that he played Christmas songs on his violin, and that he can type more words per minute than I can.

I want to tell her about things I am learning and doing, and ask her for advice. I want to hear her opinion on everything from how much soy sauce to put in the stir fry recipe, to what all the words are to the Hawaiian song "Mele Kalikimaka". Brain cancer has taken away that ability to answer many questions, and to share her wisdom verbally.

I want to hear her voice strong and well and hear her say, "I love you" as if it weren't for the last time. I have saved a phone message she left for me a few months ago, because I just can't bare to erase her voice...the time will soon come when I will never see, or hear her again, so I am trying to memorize everything about her voice, her smile, her presence.

If your mother is still living, call her today. There may not be much to say, but if it were the last time you heard her voice, it wouldn't matter much what was said, except to hear and say, "I love you."
telephone hearts Pictures, Images and Photos

9 comments:

stefanie said...

Oh, Denise.

If we could all just wrap our minds around the concept of viewing

obligation/routine/repetition

as privilege

what a world this would be.

So many times in the last 10 years I wished for that Sunday (for me it was Saturday) phone call.

I'm so sorry for this particular loss that you are feeling.

Beth said...

This one hits home for me!! I am so touched that you have saved that phone message from your mom. Keep it as long as you can! I feel blessed that I have you in my life to remind me of what is important. I will say that with my parents living here, we don't talk everyday. But this week I have run into some challenges (including a car accident yesterday - no one hurt) and have found that my mom and dad are the first (after Ken) people that I call. I called my dad yesterday from the accident, called him when the sprinkler broke the day before, called both of them when Sam was having a hard day. Often I am calling them with tears in my voice and I feel like I am fifteen again and having a hard day. No one fills those shoes. Mom and dad are mom and dad and I you are so special for living each moment.

Lorri said...

YOu my dear, are being reprinted today. This is a brillant essay! Thanks for writing it!

emily said...

Denise, thank you for sharing this. I'm glad Laura's post encouraged you to do so. It is a beautifully written, much needed perspective. Thank you, thank you...for noticing and reminding us to cherish each minute.

I'm off to call my mother now.

LvPoohBr2 said...

You are so right! I am fortunate enough to live only 50 miles or so from my mom. I talk to her 2 or 3 times a week and value her opinion on even the small things. I almost lost her 4 years ago and things have changed so much since then.

Shannon said...

What a sweet post and great reminder. I'll probably call my mom today!

Your garland is beautiful!

As for our stockings...yes I just stuffed little bit of tissue in them so they would hang a bit straighter. :)

Darlene said...

Oh my that is just so true....thank you so much for reminding me it definitely is not an obligation. It is a priveledge! What a fabulous post.

Kim said...

I call my mom every day and am thankful that I'm able to. I can't imagine my life without both of my parents in it. I'll be giving my mom a hug today in honor of you and your mom!

Thank you for a beautiful post!

Lucy Marie said...

Thank you for stopping by my blog and leaving such a nice comment. I truly appreciate this post you have written - my mother is 5 years breast cancer free and just last month, we had a bit of a scare but thankfully she is okay. These experiences have certainly helped me to appreciate my mother all the more. And by the way, I just called her! Thanks for writing this.