The Kofford Family relocates to Colorado after 40 years as Californians. In December of 2007, Grandma Lorraine is diagnosed with Stage 4 brain cancer. Sadly, she passed away on Dec. 26th, 2008 after a year long courageous battle. Follow our journey as we keep Lorraine's memory alive, and as we learn to appreciate that each day we are given, is a gift to be enjoyed!

“Nobody can go back and start a new beginning, but anyone can start today and make a new ending.”
~Maria Robertson

Thursday, January 8, 2009

Silence...

Arriving home...

I arrived in Sacramento safely last night. My mom's good friend Toni, graciously picked me up at the airport late at night, and she was wonderful company on the 2 hour foggy drive home. She waited with me at my folks house until I felt comfortable, and then when she went home...for the first time, in 42 years, I was truly alone, for good, in my parents home. I didn't have to be, several people, including Toni, offered me rooms if I was uncomfortable, but I wanted to stay.

I didn't sleep well, (which should have been expected) and woke up this morning with a strange sensation. I didn't open my eyes right away, and just for a moment...I waited.

I was waiting to hear the sound of my mom unloading the dishwasher as she once did before brain cancer took away that ability. I waited to smell breakfast cooking. I waited to hear my dad's deep voice talking about the events of the day. I waited to hear him talk about what he would do with his airplanes, and where he would fly that day, just as he did everyday until Oct. 2006. I waited to hear doors opening and closing as someone took out the trash or watered plants. I wished for a moment, that everything was the way it once was a few short years ago.

But that didn't happen.

Instead, I opened my eyes, and there was only one sound present...the sound of silence.

Emptiness.

Let me show you what it looks like...

Driving up a driveway, but no one is home. Nor are they ever coming home again.


Opening the front door, but no one is there to welcome me.


A beautiful walkway, and no father to walk beside me carrying luggage.


A quiet kitchen, and no mother behind the sink.


Two empty chairs, and no parents sitting in them.

And then, I found this poem in an old autograph book from 1955 that belonged to my mom. It went like this...

"I met you as a stranger,
I leave you as a friend,
I hope we meet in heaven,
Where friendship never ends."

The house is empty. My parents are gone. There is no changing that, yet there is hope. For one day... "We'll meet in heaven, where friendship never ends."

17 comments:

Kim said...

My heart aches for you and I cry for the difficult emptiness. Can't wait to give you a huge hug when I see you soon.

This and That said...

Our God brings you to mind often - though we have never met. Praying for you.

The other K Faires

Anonymous said...

Tonight's blog touched my inner heart and soul. There's an empty house, but not an empty heart. Love you!
Annette

Beth said...

Oh Denise... my tears flow for you... The poem you posted says it all... Your post also woke up some memories for me... when I was 15 we buried my dad... he was only 48 (my current age)I miss him everyday, but I trust and have faith (as you do) and I know it will be all okay... Hugs {{{Denise}}}

Anita said...

Oh Denise, some might find it silly that I sit here crying reading your post, and yet it touches me that you are going through this, and that I know my aging parents will not be with me always.
I hope you find peace in the poem you found, looking to our Lord and knowing that your parents are in heaven and will be there when your time on earth is done.
Thinking of you.

Lorri said...

I'm sad with you...Love, Lorri

LvPoohBr2 said...

It must be so hard not having a sibling to share your grief and to keep you from feeling truly alone. I'm so glad that you share the faith in God, knowing you will be together again one day. I'm sad for you and the tears are flowing, but at the same time I'm rejoicing in my heart at the thought of your parents together praising God in heaven.

Jemm said...

May God bless you and comfort you, Denise.

stefanie said...

So, so sorry and sad for you, but I hear your hope. Cling to it.

Kim said...

Denise, that was beautiful. I got really choked up as I read it. That was such a beautiful poem. Thanks for putting it on your Blog. I'll see you Sunday at the rosary. Hugs waiting...
love,
kim l.

Sue said...

Denise,

Know you are in my thoughts and prayers. I'm sending many hugs and much love your way. I'm sorry for your feelings of emptiness. May total peace fill you very soon.

Love ya!!

glitzen said...

I felt a deep ache for you as I read this, and I tried to change that sadness into a prayer as I read further. You are walking through a dark time, but you are not truly alone. I do not know how anyone goes on during these things, without the hope of Christ and knowledge of eternity with him. He is walking through this with you, but he cannot walk you around it. I am so so sorry for your loss, and for the reality of this deep sorrow. Always your far away friend, G.

Anonymous said...

Denise,
Although we have never met, I have been reading your blogs about your mom. I know what you are going through, I too have lost both of my parents. Just remember, they will always be with you - no matter what. I will keep you and your family in my prayers.
Donna (Beth R's Aunt)

Lorri said...

Denise...We are praying for you on this very difficult day. It snowed here last night. I hope you have warm sun where you are today. Love, Lorri

It's Always Something Around Here said...

Thinking of you today!!!! Big hugs!!!!

Sue said...

Thinking of you and praying for you, especially today.

With love,
Sue

Jan and Tom's Rose Haven said...

You have been and will continue to be in our thoughts and prayers. Hold on to the HOPE in our FATHER!

~Blessings,
Jan & Tom