The Kofford Family relocates to Colorado after 40 years as Californians. In December of 2007, Grandma Lorraine is diagnosed with Stage 4 brain cancer. Sadly, she passed away on Dec. 26th, 2008 after a year long courageous battle. Follow our journey as we keep Lorraine's memory alive, and as we learn to appreciate that each day we are given, is a gift to be enjoyed!

“Nobody can go back and start a new beginning, but anyone can start today and make a new ending.”
~Maria Robertson

Thursday, January 1, 2009

New Beginnings and Peace in 2009

What a year it has been for us all. Perhaps for you, 2008 was filled with many happy memories, or perhaps you too experienced extreme sadness, or most likely 2008 was filld with a mix of both, and a splash of the mundane mixed in. I know there are many personal stories that each of you have to share, and I hope that one day I may be privileged to hear them.

Since my mom's passing, I have wondered many times, "Where do I go now? What am I supposed to do?" There are so many funeral details, and I often feel lost without her help and guidance. I think about these things, yet I know she is not far away as I feel reminders of her everywhere. She has left me with a feeling of peace when I see the vibrant setting sun...I am filled with peace when songs play on the radio that were her favorites...I feel her peace when Hawaiian reminders pop up on TV, in magazines, and in stores...I feel her presence, and a sense that she is indeed in "perfect peace."

Other times over the past week, I have felt lost. I wandered around the store the other day pushing my grocery cart feeling like a lost little girl with no parents. I realized that at times I am a "lost little girl" who is an orphan at 42 years old. After I allow myself a brief "pity party" (as my mother would say), I pull myself up and realize that my parents have taught me all the life lessons I need to know to move forward.

2009 represents a new beginning...a new chance to move forward in faith that I will figure things out, that I won't be "lost", but strengthened by those around me. My husband has been such a source of strength and understanding. The children have reminded me several times, "Mom, you're not alone, you have US!" As an only child, a sense of loneliness always surrounded me; but not any longer. No more pity parties, no more, "Why did my parents pass away on holidays?", no more thoughts of "What will I do now?" No more questioning.

I am going to move forward in 2009 with a sense of hope, joy, and faith in the future. We do not know what the new year may bring...most likely it will be a mix of many happy and sad moments, with a splash of the mundane mixed in for good measure. Whatever the future holds, may each of you be blessed in 2009 with appreciation for every moment... May each of us have confidence and faith that we can handle whatever comes our way...and may each of you be blessed with peace in many new beginnings to come!


Kim said...

great words from a great woman and friend. May some of those memories include times when we can get together. It's a priority for me!

LYLAS forever,

LenaLoo said...

Prayers for Peace for you and your family!

Jemm said...

I am reading your blog with tears streaming down my face. Tears for your loss, as well as for the love it sounds like you have with your sisters and family. What a blessing they must be. Thank you for your delightful comment on my blog. Happy 2009! Stop by again soon.

Stacey @ The Blessed Nest said...

Here's praying PEACE for you and your family in 2009, and wishing you a Blessed New Year!! :)

Lucy Marie said...

Continuing to pray for peace for you, your husband and your children throughout this year. I am constantly in awe of the grace with which you write and share the depth of your thoughts. You are a wonderful woman!

Beth said...

It must be hard to have those moments of feeling so alone and then the contrast of feeling at peace and surrounded by love and support. I know 2009 will be a great year for you full of growth and inspiration. Love, Beth

Laura Ingalls Gunn said...

Oh my heart just aches for you. I too was an only child and lost both parents by the time I was 5. One thing to keep in mind is that your feelings are exactly what they should be. Don't think you are "taking to long to grieve".
Also, there will always be a small piece of your heart that will miss those who impacted your life.
But, it will get better. I have faith in that.

Lorri said...

Truth, Beautifully said.

It's Always Something Around Here said...

I wish you the best in 2009...your words really touched me.

Thanks for visiting my blog and leaving a comment. I hope you will stop by again.

Lou Ann

Sue said...

Beautifully said Denise. Thankfully you have your faith... meaning you are never alone ;-) You are stronger than you think you are. You are an amazingly strong woman, with an incredibly beautiful heart. I am proud to call you my friend.

With love and prayers for your peace,

Sandy Toes said...

My dear blog friend...your post made me just tear up. My mom is still alive, however, it is my greatest fear when she passes. I know one day she will but sometimes I don't know if I will be able to face the "next" day!

I am keeping you in my prayers...wishing you peace each morning and purpose for the day!
-sandy toes

stefanie said...

Peace to you, Denise! I agree with Laura - take your time.

Anita said...

{{{Denise}}} I've thought of you often the last few days. Knowing that while many of us are home, having just celebrated Christmas and New Year, you are also dealing with the realities of losing a parent. I wish I had some advice. My husband has lost both of his parents also, and it's not something you just forget, I still miss my mom and father in-law. They didn't get to see the wonderful father their son is.
Take care, and hug those kids again, they are so sweet

DeClercq said...

Hi Denise,

It is Okay to grieve and to pity and to question, it's perfectly normal...Don't rush the healing process, as I believe you once told me. It is good advice.

Hang in there my dear friend and let me know if there is anything I can do.

Happy New Year to you and your family. You are always in our thoughts and our prayers.


Kim said...

The feelings of peace and faith are beautiful things in our lives, yet they do not always come easily...we are all wishing them for you, too. Your parents passed along good things! You can be proud!
kim l.

Alexis said...

What an amazing blog, all the luck and love with you in 2009.

Thanks, oh yeah he so loved that cake. I can't wait to see what I come up with this next year ;).

LvPoohBr2 said...

You have such a lovely way of looking at things. You are so open and honest with your feelings. I sit here in awe of the peace and strength you present with every post. I do hope that when the day comes that I have to face losing a parent, or loved one, I have the same peace and strength you have.

glitzen said...

OK Girl, you are not supposed to be the one inspiring the rest of us and comforting US. Thank you for the wise and sweet words you always seem to bring us, and for letting us "in" to your process of finding and knowing peace in all of this. Your blog right now just radiates with beauty, your mom would just love it.
Hugs and love.

Anonymous said...

What an encouraging outlook on the New Year. We all feel lost at times- I am thankful to know I am not alone in feeling uncertain about life. I wish you the best in 2009 and pray for the hope, peace, and joy you are welcoming this year.

Kimi Jo said...

My wish is for you to have peace and I pray that your memories will be a comfort to you. I appreciate your kind words of encouragement this past year. You always know what to say & you have been a source of peace for me. You have no idea what your kind words has meant to me. You are a very special lady. I hope that realize that I am the 19th message of a long list of people, & I am sure there are many more who are there for you. Thank you for giving of yourself. Love, Kimi Jo

Liz said...

I just started checking blogs again, and my eyes teared up as I read about your mom. I'm so so sorry. My own grief over a friend has been pretty overwhelming, I cannot imagine what it would feel like if it were my mom.

You are in my prayers, please feel free to email me if you need anything.